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I have a confession.

There are times, probably more than not, when I can get lost inside my own head. The current challenges are pressing harder than my recognition of all the blessings. So I have a little trick I will do with myself. Not sure if others brains work like this but mine surely does. I have to get outside of my head. Outside of myself and my own circumstances.

Being in the car seems to occupy a bunch of my time. Taking a kid somewhere, picking them up from somewhere.

As I drive by homes during the day, if I see two cars in the driveway, I can’t help but wonder, Has someone lost their job? Are they having hard times and came home to discuss while the kids aren’t home? I close my eyes (not while I am driving!) and I blow them a prayer. I envision peace, security, whatever it is they may be needing at that time. Now, who knows if I am right in my fears or assumptions but you never know what others are currently struggling with.

My stomach always gets a little knot when I see an elderly person eating alone. Honestly, it’s hard for me to even see it. I want them to have company. Their person, whoever it is. So I close my eyes and just blow them some kind of happy thoughts. Some energy that will give them a great memory of whoever it was that made their day.

The car I drive is my brothers. He died a couple of years ago and now I have his car. I am still processing his passing but everyday, at some point I think of him while driving that car. I gave up my sweet Tahoe for his car. I really could use a bigger car but I really want William’s first car to be this four runner. I get cut off a lot in traffic. (probably cause I am day dreaming!) Not sure if this happens to me a lot or it’s just common. So, instead of venting I close my eyes and i think what if that is a mama rushing to see her child play at a game? Or rushing to get home to pay the babysitter that she is scrapping to pay?. Again, this may or may not be true.

I love Target. Things seem to jump in my cart for no reason. I feel happy when I am there. There are times where I see a mama struggling with a toddler or crying baby. Oh, how I want to walk up and offer to hold the baby or just take the toddler to the toy isle and play. No doubt they would look at me like I truly am a weirdo. (I am a little off at times!) So I take a big breathe and pass on any extra ounce of patience, energy that I may be holding onto. She needs it more than I do.

Both my boys play Football. Here in Texas, it’s a pretty big deal. They have played for many, many years. And as much as I could get on a soapbox about how crazy youth sports has become, I absolutely love watching them play. Something comes over me when I am in the stands. i am a crazy person! I yell, scream, chant cheers that make no sense…it’s a little ridiculous. The other night I was again, going a little crazy and I saw this player who I have known from a distance for quite a few years. he played baseball with us, I think? My memory stinks! Anyway, he was playing football for the very first time! It made me stop. I just closed my eyes and envisioned him making a great tackle, run, whatever they do on that field, just let him be great! Let him realize that trying something new is SO worth it- the hard work, the risk. The player did have a great game and I cheered just as loud for him as I do every other kid (yes, I am THAT mama).

Getting outside of myself and not just realizing that others have less than me but really, really focusing on taking my energy and giving it to them in a way that they may need at that moment. This is what balances me at times. It’s what allows me yes, to have a pity party for a few moments but then move on.

Not sure why I felt so called to share this little confession of mine today. But now that I did, I am glad. It’s not that I look for the negative or fear the worst of others, it’s more about keeping my head in a state of gratitude. I tell my kids all the time, “You will always be able to find those that have far less and those that have far more. The key to happiness is being happy with what is enough.”